Tales From The Crypt

TELEVISION Specific Shows
61

Dead Wait 3.06

What’s It About?
A con artist tries to steal a famous black pearl from a banana republic aristocrat.

Whos Responsible?
James Remar is the con artist, John Rhys Davies is the rich guy, fading supermodel Vanity is his trophy girlfriend, and Whoopi Goldberg appears a seemingly benevolent voodoo nurse. Whoopi is topped billed for a cameo role. The writer was Gilbert Adler, a producer on the show. He wrote a bunch of episodes and this was his first. The oft underwhelming Tobe Hooper directs.

How Is It?
Great! When I first saw Crypt, it was as Fox reruns because my family didn’t have HBO. These were cut to shit for commercials and censors, so sometimes the gore in the original cut is really surprising. Dead Wait is insanely violent. There’s a sequence where Remar has to slice into the violently diseased chest cavity of John Rhys-Davies as his intestinal maggots crawl all across hands, viscera and organs. It’s not too good a special effect, but fucking A for effort.

The plot is more than a bit convoluted, and the first half is nothing but exposition about Remar betraying his partners, Rhys Davies being sick, Whoopi being present, the legend of the black pearl Remar is stealing, and for some reason, the growing peasant revolution in the countryside. But it doesn’t matter, because Rhys Davies is really good as a Sydney Greenstreet type and it’s a kick to see Dexter’s dad playing Sawyer from Lost. Then in the second half, the gore just goes crazy.

One of the most fun things about Crypt was that when someone famous guest starred, they usually got horribly slaughtered at the end. I was hoping this would happen with Whoopi, but she disappointed me, both by surviving and by being kind of good in it. It’s weird to see her young and not mugging. She also appears in the Crypt Keeper epilogue, which is of course an honor reserved for the biggest of stars only, and then she unleashes the obnoxious mugging.

Does it Hate Women?
Yep, lots! Vanity is the traditional EC back-stabbing whore, hitting every major beat for that archetype. And Whoopi’s angel of mercy proves to be a deranged psycho as well, though not as sexually manipulative, which is a shame.

Worth Noting
-Tobe Hooper doing something good! I mean, it’s damn sloppy, but the brief run time on these forgives a lot.
-Vanity isn’t above Nudity.
-Although the island isn’t specified, it might as well be Haiti for all the voodoo and racial insensitivity on display.

The Moral?
It’s pretty much don’t trust women.

Worst Crypt Keeper Joke:
“I loved your movie, the Killer Purple!”

Grade: B+

62

The Reluctant Vampire 3.07

What’s It About?
A friendly vampire working at a blood bank starts murdering criminals on the side to keep his job.

Who’s Responsible?
Malcolm McDowell plays the nebbishy vampire security guard, lamely named Donald Longtooth. George Wendt is his bullying sexual harasser of a boss. And the vampire hunters are played by the dynamite pair of Paul Gleason and Michael Fucking Berryman.

How Is It?
Oh, it’s bad. This is an episode aimed at children. The original comics were too, of course, and in truth the whole series is damn juvenile, but this is a sub-Goosebumps level of sophistication on display. It reminded me of the Halloween specials of the 80s, like Mr. Boogedy, The Worst Witch, or the Halloween That Almost Wasn’t. And while I might have been forgiving of this shit when I was in grade school, it’s a major slog now. McDowell has jokes about hating Mondays and shit. It’s awful.

McDowell and Wendt might have been better with better material, but who cares? The real tragedy is that the scenes with Paul Gleason as a disbelieving cop and Michael Berryman as a wacky vampire hunter/judge doom lookalike have so much potential and they just wither on the vine.

Does it Hate Women?
No, and it’s even progressive, casting an older unattractive woman as McDowell’s romantic foil.

Worth Noting
-It has a happy ending for the protagonist, which never happens.
-This cast is wasted on lots of bullshit.

The Moral?
There isn’t one. There’s barely a story.

Worst CK Joke:
I wasn’t paying attention. Something something, love at first bite, something.

Grade: D

63

Easel Kill You 3.08

What is It?
A struggling artist finds inspiration and profit in images of horrific violence. Soon, he’s forced to kill to keep his muse active.

Who’s Responsible?
Tim Roth stars as the artist. William ‘dickless’ Atherton plays his mysterious wealthy patron. The writer is Larry Wilson, who just before this episode wrote Beetlejuice and the Addams Family. And never anything worth a damn again. Roth’s girlfriend is played by Roya Megnot, who’s pretty good and has a nice ass. This was kind of her biggest acting job, and imdb informs me she passed last year. Unfortunate.

How Is It?
After yesterday’s goofiest vampire shtick, this is a rare dark and gritty episode. Roth is really strong in it too, delivering what might be the first legitimately good acting performance of the season. Even when asked to make broad, counterintuitive decisions for story purposes, he’s totally convincing, and manages the trick of not being boring or annoying playing a potentially obnoxious character (a pale, introverted art prick). Usually I prefer an actor to swing wildly on this show, but Roth makes realism work. Also good is Atherton, who rocks some white pants and oozes venal wealth.

The story isn’t anything new, in fact it’s pretty much the exact plot of Bucket of Blood, without the theatricality of plaster corpses. But it plays great for a while, and with the exception of one pretty hilarious jump cut (a nice old lady asks Roth to help her carry some heavy bags down to the cellar, then cut to the old lady bouncing horribly down the steps), they avoid the comedy that often came off as so tacky. It even has a relatively adult approach to sex.

But they fuck it all up in the last act. Roth’s girlfriend is hit by a car and lies in critical condition at the hospital. Only the best surgeon in town can save her, but he’s expensive. At this point the fickle twist of fate the episode has been building towards becomes annoyingly obvious, and the whole thing is revealed as a goddamn shaggy dog story. Atherton has terrific gravitas and presence and you expect him to figure into the big picture, but he’s just a tease. Rather, they throw in a creaky O Henry twist predicated on Roth loving his girlfriend, although thus far, he’s barely tolerated her. Then for the last shot, a fat cop wanders into the frame and suspiciously asks Roth if he’s a painter, which I guess implies that maybe he gets caught? Everything they usually get wrong on Crypt, they nailed here, but the stuff that generally works just doesn’t. It’s an inverse episode.

Women Hate?
Not this time, which is surprising, given the subject matter.

Worth Noting
-Considering that the greatness of Roth’s paintings is a major plot point, the prop department fucked up good here. The art is terrible

The Moral?
Murder can be a great shot in the arm for your career in the arts, as long as you exert the barest minimum of logic and self control.

Worst CK Joke
“She’s a regular Moaning Lisa!”

Grade: B-

64

Undertaking Palor 3.09

What Is It?
Four twelve-year-old horror movie fanatics sneak into the local mortuary only to uncover a conspiracy between the mortician and the town pharmacist to boost the number of funerals.

Who’s Responsible?
John Glover plays the mortician, and the kids are played by three nobodies and Ke Huy Quan! The director is Michael Thau, who edited Superman 1 & 2 (Donner).

How Is It?
So back to the kiddie stuff then. But better this time. It’s firmly in the Ray Bradbury/Stephen King tradition of small town boys adventures combined with the nightmarish a la Something Wicked This Way Comes or IT, although that probably oversells it way too much. It’s a really light weight excursion, and the best stuff in it by far is just scenes where Glover does creepy shit to his cadavers.

The tykes are trying to shoot their own horror movie, which means some handheld camera work, Cloverfield style. It’s not a bad effect and it increases the suspense, such as it is, but it’s used sparingly when it should have been the entire episode. I get they weren’t making decisions like that back in 91, especially for low budget horror anthologies, but it would have made the episode.

Sometimes Crypt does homage, like the Maclachlan spaghetti western or Michael J Fox’s slapstick noir. And sometimes they just rip shit off, and Undertaking Palor is one of those times. The grisly corpse sucking machines make the most impact here, and sometimes that’s just how Crypt was.

Women Hatin?
Eww, girls. None.

Worth Noting:
-It’s beyond me why you cast a charisma volcano like Ke Huy Quan and then don’t make him the central character. Even the fat kid gets more to do here.

The Moral?
I never had better friends than the friends I had when I was twelve. Christ, does anyone?

Worst CK Joke?
As for the others, they all became lawyers. Must have got used tot he taste in blood. (Christ)

Grade: C+

65

Just letting you know, these are very appreciated.

66

Thanks. While I was hoping they might prompt a bit more of a dialogue, they’ve kind of been their own reward. Knowing I’ll be writing something, even in brief, has actually made the show a lot more interesting to watch, and it forces me to think about it more intelligently than I otherwise might.

67

Yeah, these are definitely great. After this weekend my work schedule should clear up and I’ll be able to get more of these done as well.

68

Mournin’ Mess 3.10

What Is It?
While a serial killer murders the local homeless population, an alcoholic reporter stumbles across a mysterious philanthropic group’s connection to the case.

Who’s Responsible?
Steven Weber stars and Rita Wilson plays the head of the philanthropic group. The always welcome Vincent Schiavelli shows up as a bum. The writer/director made Dr. Giggles!

How Is It?
One knock on Crypt was that it was usually the exact same basic plot structure: A selfish cad commits some kind of moral trespass to get ahead, only to find he lacked one crucial piece of information that results in his grisly demise. And it’s a fair point, it could be said of about half the episodes I’ve watched so far. But rarely is it as prototypical as in Mournin’ Mess. There’s no great ambition on display here, beyond filling an episode quota. I seem to have hit the coasting plateau of the 3rd season, though Zemeckis and Hill episodes are just around the corner.

That said, I like the Crypt formula, and if anyone approaches their work with panache, it’s still entertaining. Here, Weber is the only one that really steps up to the plate. He gives each line and gesture an extra bit of drunken prickishness that shows commitment, and he’s a lot fun to watch. I’ve always thought he deserved better material and a better director than he ever really got, and that shows here. Rita Wilson isn’t all that strong, but it’s worth mentioning that she manages to play a femme fatale without embarrassing herself.

The big reveal at the end is enjoyably silly, but would play much better if they didn’t tip their hand so egregiously during the episode. But unfortunately, the charity is named the Grateful Homeless Outcast and Unwanted Layaway Society, or as is made very clear on all the signage, “GHOULS”. Oh well.

Does It Hate Women?
Not as such. Though it continues the weird trend of the protagonist being fired by a ballbusting female boss, an indignity already suffered by Jon Lovitz and Tim Roth. And Rita Wilson is an evil monster, but she doesn’t use sex as a weapon. If anything, she seems kind of hurt when Weber kicks her out of bed.

Worth Noting
-The ghoul makeup some of the seasons best. What is a ghoul anyway? Is it a human that eats corpses, or is it some kind of monster pretending to be human? And if it’s a human, why do they always look like Nosferatu or something?
-Considering it ends with Weber being eaten alive, it wouldn’t have killed them to spice this one up with some cheap gore.

The Moral?
Charitable foundations are probably just fronts for some variety of corpse eating.

Worst CK Joke
Don’t worry about Sweeney. He’s started a new career, as a ghostwriter!

Grade: docked a bit for the stupid acronym C+

69

These are so great, Keep up the good work. Reading these makes me want to pick up the seasons on DVD.

70

Split Second 3.11

What Is It?
The philandering wife of a brutish lumberjack seduces a new logging recruit.
Who’s Responsible?
It stars weak-chinned behemoth Brion James as the brutish lumberjack, and a couple hot nobodies as his wife and her lover. The writer is Richard Matheson’s son, also named Richard Matheson. He writes TV stuff, including the two shittiest Masters of Horror episodes (Tobe Hoopers). And directing is Russell Mulcahy, a great schlock director that doesn’t seem to get mentioned anymore, even though he still works on TV. Whatever, oldsters might appreciate him from Razorback, Ricochet, The Shadow, and of course, Highlander 1 &2.

How Is It?
Really, really fun. One of the best of the season. Much like yesterday’s Mournin’ Mess, the Crypt template is pretty standard, and the basic end point couldn’t be less clear (although to be fair, it finds a couple wrinkles that make it all extra gruesome). Although what a difference execution makes! The script is tight and mean, and surprisingly funny. And Mulcahy invests everything with a grungy authenticity that was rare on Crypt. It usually looks pretty cheap, but here, it’s appropriately cheap.

Brion James does what he does best: grunt, scream, threaten, huff, look big, and make everyone uncomfortable. He also has a very heavy looking sex scene ("he made love like a mountain man, which I kind of liked"Wink. After his death in ‘99, James seems to be fading from even geek consciousness, but back in the day, he brought the ugly menace with the best of them. The supporting cast all acquit themselves pretty damn well too. The team of loggers (is that what one calls them?) have a nice rapport and I even kind of believe the insane thing they do at the end.

And that ending is a doozy. It’s a perfect balance of hilarious and really nasty, especially if you take a brief moment to reflect on what happened off screen to get everyone to that point (and what happens immediately after the camera pulls back). It’s not a surprising twist or anything, but it’s unrelenting.

But What About the Women Hate? Does It Go Extra Far In This One?
Oh man. Where to start? Here’s three quotes, all from actress Michelle Johnson’s voice over:
“What is it about men? When they want you the first time, they don’t care what anyone thinks of ya. But when they think you’re theirs, they want you to be as pure as the fucking Madonna.”
“After that the men were too scared to even acknowledge me. Though a lot of them had done a lot more than acknowledge me in the past. The whole marriage thing had worn thin in record time.”
“He was so easy. Men always are. Even the ones who want to be on top love being seduced.”

This VO plays like Iago, without the charm or wit. The script goes miles out of its way to make it crystal clear that A) James was a good man and a good friend before this poisonous bitch came into his life (despite all insane violent behavior to the contrary), B) Johnson has no actual romantic feelings for the young buck she seduces, and is in fact purposely fucking with him and James out of boredom, and C)before marrying James, she was a gigantic cock-loving slut, and possibly a literal whore. She also gets very naked.

Here’s the interesting thing. Not unlike the James Remar episode from earlier this season, the misogyny somehow makes the episode better. James’s bitter jealousy seems to be based largely around his sexual insecurity (or at least that’s what Johnson screams at him), and the young buck tries his absolute damndest to avoid her honeypot trap. It reminds you that the original audience for these stories was boys in their early teens, and that even though they really want to see that hot girl naked, there’s also a subconscious desire to see said hot girl punished for having a prohibitive upper hand when it comes to sexual power. By capitulating so completely to this instinct, as Split Second does, it almost begs to be noticed and commented on.

Worth Noting:
-Another Shock Suspenstories derived entry. Doesn’t seem like one, this is pure horror tale stuff.
-One thing I’ve noticed is that there’s a weird tendency to add needless bullshit subplots that don’t go anywhere. They don’t feel like padding either, but rather like plot points we’re somehow driving towards. In Split Second, it’s some sort of axe chopping speed competition everyone’s gearing up for, which sounds portentous but ultimately means nothing.
-Joel Silver guest stars as a guy the Crypt Keeper is about to dismember. If you have a bondage fantasy about Silver, look no further.

The Moral?
Stay the fuck away from women.

Worst CK Joke?
“It’s my producer’s birthday. He always wanted final cut, and that’s exactly what he’s getting!’

Grade: A-

71

I had completely forgot about this one until I read your review. Yeah, this is another twisted episode that works from beginning to end. Brion James getting a taste of lumberjack justice is quite memorable. Keep up with the reviews, Arjen. These are awesome!

By the way, are you planning on covering this show into the final season? I think that was when the producers decided to film everything in the UK.

72

Yeah, I’d forgotten it too, but it’s kind of great. I’m not really planning on getting to the UK season, and even if I do just keep on trucking through these, I can’t imagine I’d get there this year. I’m just about done with three now, it should be over by the end of the week, and that’s all I know I’ll finish for sure.

After this, I intend to catch up on Mad Men, but once I’ve done that, I may well continue on to the 4th Season. It’s the one I’m most interested in revisiting, and I’m having fun writing these up, so quite possibly.

73

Cool, season 4 has some favorites in there: “None but the Lonely Heart”, “What’s Cookin’”, “Showdown” and “Strung Along”. Hope that these continue.

74

I just saw the Bob Cat Goldwaith(Spelling??) episode with the ventriloquist dummy. Easily the most entertaining and bizarre twist that I’ve seen in the show.

75

I appreciate that Bobcat one, especially the casting, but for some reason or another, it doesn’t quite click for me. I think it might be that the ending doesn’t make any goddamn sense. Anyways,

Deadline 3.12

What Is It?
An alcoholic journalist struggles to keep his job as a crime reporter as he enters into a whirlwind relationship with a mysterious redhead.

Who’s Responsible?
Walter Hill directed this one. It stars Richard Jordan, who no one remembers anymore, but once starred in movies like Raise the Titanic. He was Duncan Idaho in Dune. The mysterious redhead is pre CSI Marg Helgenberger.

How Is It?
It doesn’t really work. It’s a real slow burn, and marks the first time I was checking my watch during one of these episodes. Which is not to say worthless, but bordering on it. The tone is completely different from any other episode, not even fucking around with the idea of being scary. The first twenty minutes chronicle Jordan being a drunken loser, riding a bunch of bad luck and bad decisions. He’s jobless and destitute, living off the graces of his fed-up sister. He spends most of his time and money at the local bar, where even the bartender begs him to get his shit together. For some reason, Marg Helgenberger falls for him, and they start a curt, passionless love affair. Hill does about as good a job as he can with these scenes, and they do have a nice noir pop to them, even when his cast and script kind of let him down (which is often).

Then in the last ten minutes, it all looks like it’s about to start paying off. Jordan grabs a bite at a drab empty restaurant run by Jon Polito, and suddenly, a really good sequence happens. Polito does a really great job with an unplayable role, and the noirish confluence of events is both tense and almost semi-believable. But then, just as an inevitable twist of cosmic fate seems to be happening, the episode ends, just cutting to Jordan in a straight jacket, talking to the camera about how he wants a drink, giving us no indication what happened.

The story is about as far afield of the norm as Crypt went, and I imagine the only reason they would do this particular story for the show is that Hill wanted to. It’s well directed, and seems to be reaching at something intangible, and I can imagine how a good drunken reporter noir directed by Hill could have elevated Crypt. Zemeckis will kind of succeed with a similar challenge a couple episodes down the line. But in this case, it isn’t scary, it isn’t funny, and most of all, it’s simply not very interesting.

I Bet It Hates Women?
Yeah, although coming as it does after Split Second, Marg Helgenberger’s lying unfaithful manipulator is pretty unremarkable, even though she uses a lot of familiar tactics (the insulting of cocksmanship, as Max Schumacher might say). She’s at least relatively upfront with Jordan.

Worth Noting:
-Helgenberger looks almost the same twenty years ago as now. Though she likely wouldn’t do a sideboob shot nowadays.
-Polito is good, and so is character actor John Capodice, who plays the bartender. He’s got one of those recognizable faces.
-Two episodes ago they did an alcoholic reporter story, and here’s another. There’s nothing I can derive from this, other than that EC traded in stereotypes and the showrunners didn’t much give a shit about separating them.

The Moral?
It’s unclear, as the third act seems to be missing. It was probably some don’t kill and/or trust women chestnut.

Worst CK Joke
“Care for another drink? Or should I just put a head on this one?”

Grade: C

76

I got busy and didn’t keep to my schedule. There’s two more, I’ve watched 'em, and I’ll write them up shortly (both on Monday?).

77

Spoiled 3.13

What Is It?
A bored soap-opera addicted housewife finds romance with the cable installer.

Who’s Responsible?
The only recognizable name is Anthony LaPaglia, who has a smallish role as the cable installer. The wife is played by Faye Grant, who some might remember as Dr. Julie Parrish on V. But I don’t.

How Is It?
Bad. I’m kind of irritated that I watched it. There’s almost nothing at all here outside of the fucked up woman-hate, but I have a whole section to write about that, so I’m not even sure what to say. Summary? In brief, Grant is a romantic dreamer trapped in a marriage to an inattentive nebbish who spends every minute of the day studying a groundbreaking new anesthetic. She tries to get his attention, but he’s too boring, so she seduces the cable installer (mostly through Crypt Keeper-worthy puns about inserting cables). Then the nebbish husband finds out, uses his new anesthetic on them, and switches their heads. The End.

Grant does a great job selling this terrible concept, which works to the episode’s detriment, actually. The other performers barely seem awake. A large chunk of the run time is devoted to a terrible show-within-the-show soap opera that Grant’s character loves, and it is tedious beyond belief. They’re not even amping up the sleazy soap tropes for comic effect, it’s just a bad soap opera. Make no mistake, this one is drivel.

Is There Lots Of Fucked Up Women Hate In This One For No Reason?
Initially, I figured this aspect of Patrick’s write-ups would be something I’d probably end up ditching as I went along. Instead, it’s become the most interesting thing about the write-ups, at least for me. And here’s Spoiled, where the Crypt misogyny reaches its grand apotheosis.

This story is told entirely from Grant’s point of view. She’s likeable, if a bit ditzy, and everything she does in the story is sympathetic. Unlike the heart-stealing bitches that feature in most episodes, all she wants is love, affection and a little adventure, and the guy she’s married to is a boring, unappealing, poorly acted dillhole. The perspective switches to him in the last three minutes, and it’s a surprise he cares at all about her infidelity. There’s no reason to want or expect their relationship to work, and it’s pretty much ridiculous that they’re together at all. But she gets ghoulishly fucked, because EC morality is rigid, doesn’t take the context into account, and hates vaginas to boot.

Ultimately though, it’s just too goddamn bad an episode to give a shit. No one would bother being offended by this, because it’s so inept. I’m glad for it though, because some of my favorite episodes this season were loaded with femme-hate, so it’s nice have a wretched one that revels in it too.

Worth Noting:
-There’s a lot of padding here, which is rare for a show as short as Crypt. Aside from the soap, it’s all very self-referential, including one character expounding at length on how much she enjoys having HBO and a sequence where LaPaglia turns on a TV to reveal a chunk of Crypt’s opening credits. It’s all done witlessly and without any real joke.
-I don’t know what the title refers to. Is the heroine spoiled? Not in the sense that I understand the word. There’s no food gone bad either.
-the cable installation/sex puns are some lazy shit: “I’ll show you how. You just put the male cord into the female cord”.
-still not as bad as the vampire one

The Moral?
You know those soaps and trashy novels your wife likes? Well, that’ll put fancy ideas about romance into her head, so you best keep that bitch on a short leash.

Worst Crypt Keeper Joke:
Well, looks like Janet and Abel have become rather attached. Talk about being stuck on each other.

Grade: D+

78

Yellow

What Is It?
During the trench battles of WWI, the son of a hard as nails General fights a losing battle against his own cowardice.

Who’s Responsible?
All Star time here. This is one of three directed by Robert Zemeckis, and all three were good. The writers were Gilbert Adler and AL Katz, long time Crypt producers. The cast includes Lance Henrikson, Dan Akroyd, and Kirk Douglas as the asshole general. The lead role is strangely played by Eric Douglas, Kurt’s less impressive son.

How Is It?
Really good, although it never quite pushes into high gear. It feels one narrative wrinkle short of awesome, and instead settles for solid. It’s a deliberate play on Paths of Glory, which is a nice trick, as the original Shock Suspenstories edition was more like a rip off. Regardless, I never really thought of Zemeckis as a film history type of guy, and yet here he’s clearly referencing the early Kubrick film, and maybe even a little All Quiet on the Western Front, although that might just be my go-to instant WWI association.

This episode was apparently intended for the Two-Fisted Tales spin-off show that never really got off the ground, which makes sense, as it doesn’t really feel like a Crypt episode. It’s got a much grayer morality and is more interested in character and relationships than with gore and karmic twists. But as with anything, it doesn’t need to fit the mold if it’s good, and Yellow is good.

Lance Henrikson, returning to the series, is kind of awesome as Sgt Ripper (which has got to be a Kubrick reference). Henrikson is probably underrated as an actor, maybe because he tends to give less than is all in the DTDVD crap you often see him in. Dan Akroyd does nothing at all, and has such an insignificant part that he’s distracting. The real show is the Douglas face off. Kirk Douglas was nominated for an Emmy for his work here, which is something of a coup for a show like Crypt. And while it’s hard to argue this wasn’t just the Emmys indulging in a bit of starfucking, Kirk is a lot of fun, bringing the gravitas and the ham in equal measure. This leaves the weak link, and I think what keeps the episode from being something special, Eric Douglas. Most famous for his drug-related death in 2004, and his untalented black sheep status, Eric is not quite up to the challenge of being a central character. It’s a complicated role too, and requires a balancing act to make the two disparate plot elements come together. Eric’s tack on it is to be a smug braying ass, and it unbalances his philosophic conflict with dad.

That conflict could have been great, and on the page it must have been. Eric’s an unwilling soldier, essentially drafted into the war by his giant asshole general father (Kirk). So it’s not really his fault that he’s a big pussy. And yet his cowardice is getting everyone killed. Plus, the show keeps fucking with us over where Daddy Kirk’s first allegiance is, which provides a nice no nonsense resolution.

Does It Hate Women?
No!

Worth Noting:
-hell, I think I noted it all

The Moral?
Don’t be such a fucking pussy.

Worst Crypt Keeper Joke:
I guess Martin finally learned his lesson: no guts, no gory!

Grade: B+

That’s it for season three. These later ones got a bit longer, sorry bout that, but I enjoyed writing these up. Also, I think I mentioned earlier that this made me watch the shows much differently than I would have, and I liked thinking about them more than usual, or more than was warranted, in some cases. Anyways, it was fun to pretend I work for the AV Club, and I’d like to continue this at some point, but that would happen, at the soonest, after I catch up with Mad Men. So no plans, no expectations. But I got through this one, so who knows?

79

I haven’t read your most recent few yet but yeah, these are very cool Arjen. Write, Patrick, write!

This is a show I loved but am fearful to revisit.

80

I just watched that ventriloquist’s dummy one. What the FUCK man. What the FUCK.