I don’t remember episode titles, but I’m sure you guys will recognize the quotes.
Comic Book Guy: This should provide adequate sustenance for the Dr. Who marathon.
Lisa: All we found were these oozing berries, and they look pretty poisonous.
Ralph: I ated the purple berries… oooh, oohh…ooohhh.
Lisa: How are they Ralph? Good?
Ralph: They taste like… burning.
Comic Book Guy: But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills! You’re from two different worlds!
[POV of missile rocketing toward him]
Comic Book Guy: Oh, I’ve wasted my life.
Ralph: Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! I’m learneding!
Home: If you’re up there, Superman, PLEASE SAVE ME!
I think I mangled that last one. Anyway, there’s plenty more, but those are the ones that immediately leap to mind.
I love and quote on a regular basis (to explain to morons who don’t get it) the Boo-urns thing from A Star Is Burns
The whole Hank Scorpio episode is a given, along with all the earlier Halloween specials. My personal favourite is the Manchurian Candidate rip off with Kang and Kodos imitating Clinton and Dole.
*getting tractor beamed into the UFO*
"Ahhh.. Bob Dole doesn’t need this.. "
Bob Dole - “What the hell is this, some kind of tube?” *tube fills with liquid*
Bill Clinton - “Well, thanks for taking care of Dole for me.. what the- hey!” *tube fills with liquid*
Love all the hobos Homer fights when he becomes a boxer, with “classic” hobo names like Boxcar Willy
Forget the episode, but “When I grow up, I’m going to bovine university!”
TROY MCCLURE: Just ask this scientician.
SCIENTICIAN: Uhhh…
TROY MCCLURE: He’ll tell you that, in nature, one creature invariably eats another creature to survive.
That just reminded me Tieman.. the episode (one of many) with Sideshow Bob trying to kill Bart on the houseboat. The whole episode is hilarious (see: Homer trying to get his new identity from the FBI)
Going to steal these passages straight from IMDB since they are long and complicated:
[Bart has difficulty sleeping, his bedroom door opens, a sharp knife appears and man charges into the room casting a scary shadow on the ceiling]
Homer: [holding a large knife upside-down] BARTYOUWANTSOMEBROWNIEBEFOREYOUGOTOBED?
Bart Simpson: AAAAAHHHHH!
Homer: Come on, let me cut you a brownie while they’re still hot.
Bart Simpson: Dad, I’m kinda edgy right now. I’d appreciate you not coming into my room screaming and brandishing the butcher knife.
Homer: Why?
[Homer looks at the large knife he is holding]
Homer: Oh, right. The *Sideshow Bob* thing, oh I’m sorry boy.
[Homer kisses Bart and leaves the room. Seconds later, Homer bursts into the room again wearing a white hockey mask and holding a switched on electric chainsaw, which he holds up]
Homer: BARTYOUWANTTOSEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?
Bart Simpson: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Homer: [turning off the chainsaw and lifting the hockey mask] Oh, sorry. What am I thinking?
[Homer kisses Bart and leaves the room]
And-
Prosecutor: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn’t it say die Bart die?
Sideshow Bob: No, that’s German
[unveils tattoo]
Sideshow Bob: for ‘The Bart The’.
Parole Board Member: Well.. no one who speaks German could be evil!
I recall one throwaway bit where Rainer Wolfcastle went undercover as a stand up comic in his new movie McBain: No Laughing Matter.
Anyway, he tells a TERRIBLE gay joke and when the crowd boos, he counters with “Perhaps YOU are ze homosexuals!” Basically it’s my favorite lame comeback ever and nobody gets it but me.
I also loved the clown bed Homer made for Bart.
And the all time classic of “oh sure, Lisa - ham, bacon and pork chops all come from the same ‘MAGICAL’ animal!”
Originally Posted by ChavezView Post I recall one throwaway bit where Rainer Wolfcastle went undercover as a stand up comic in his new movie McBain: No Laughing Matter. Anyway, he tells a TERRIBLE gay joke and when the crowd boos, he counters with “Perhaps YOU are ze homosexuals!” Basically it’s my favorite lame comeback ever and nobody gets it but me.
You’re mixing up two episodes. The first one is when Ranier makes a stand-up concert film called McBain: Let’s Get Silly:
Quote:
“Have you ever noticed how men always leave the toilet seat up? … Dat’s da joke!” “You suck McBain!” [McBain throws a live grenade into the audience]
And then there was another episode where Ranier is given a late-night talk show called Up Late With McBain:
Quote:
“Say hello to my music guy, Skoey. Nice shirt, Skoey. It makes you look like a homosexual.” [crowd boos] “Maybe you are all homosexuals too!”
All that from memory. I am Comic Book Guy, apparently.
“We must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.”
Quote:
Abortions for all. (crowd boos) Very well, no abortions for anyone. (crowd boos) Hmm… Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others? (crowd cheers)
Quote:
Kodos: I am Clin-Ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. *crosses arms* End communication. Marge: Hmm, that’s Slick Willie for you, always with the smooth talk.
Quote:
Kent: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton? Kang: It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed. DOOMED! Kent: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from senator Bob Dole.
Quote:
Kang: Fooling these Earth voters is easier than expected. Kodos: Yes. All they want to hear are bland pleasantries embellished by an occasional saxophone solo or infant kiss.
I can do a great Marge saying, “Lisa needs braces.” When I worked at a bookstore we had this game in which someone would use the intercom to page, “Dental plan” in a Lenny voice. I would then have to go directly to a phone at my first convenience and page, “Lisa needs braces.”
If I was busy at that moment, the delay between the call and response just made it funnier.
You left out the best line from that episode, Tieman:
Quote:
Kodos: It’s true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about it? It’s a two-party system! You have to vote for one of us! Man #1: He’s right! This is a two-party system! Man #2: Well, I believe I’ll vote for a third-party candidate. Kang: Go ahead! Throw your vote away! Ha ha ha ha ha!
I know it’s cheesy, but I’ve always loved the first Homer’s mom episode. The ending with Homer sitting on the roof of his car staring at the stars as the credits roll was very well done.
“Daybreak: Tucawka. The proud men and women of the Navy are fighting for freedom. But you’re in Lubba, Texas, hosing stains off a monument. You’re in the Naval Reserve. America’s seventeenth line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard, and the League of Women Voters. After basic training, you’ll only have to work one weekend a month. And most of that time, you’re drunk off your ass.”
Burns: I’ll kill you, you bloated museum of trechery!
Homer: You and what army?
(Imagines Nazi snowmen behind Burns)
Homer: Stand back! I have powers…political powers!
Burns: Uuh!
(Imagines dead world leaders behind Homer)
Abraham Lincoln: (swinging weapon) Iiiiiiiittttt’s showtime!