There comes a time on these boards when every great show deserves its own thread of favorite quotes. That time has come for “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. So, come one, come all. Share the wit. Share the wonder that are the words of Charlie, Dennis, Mac, Frank and Sweet Dee.
From “Charlie Wants an Abortion”, Charlie responds to being spit on by a bratty child:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlie I will smash your face into a jelly!!!
From “The Gang Gives Back”, Dennis responds to a chubby asian child’s attempts to give him a diet soda:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Terrible. Take a lap.
and, of course,
From “Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody’s Ass”, Charlie extolls the virtues of patriotism to the Gang via song:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlie I’m gonna rise up, I’m gonna kick a little ass, Gonna kick some ass in the USA, Gonna climb a mountain, Gonna sew a flag, Gonna fly on an eagle, I’m gonna kick some butt, I’m gonna drive a big truck, I’m gonna rule this world, Gonna kick some ass, Gonna rise up, Kick a little ass, ROCK, FLAG AND EAGLE!
From “Underage Drinking: A National Concern”, Charlie enthusiastically explains high school dynamics:
Quote:
That’s Tammy, Trey’s ex-girlfriend. This is classic Tammy. Trey broke up with Tammy because Maureen Kanallen said that she saw Tammy flirting with Walt Timny at a party, but she was only doing it to make Trey jealous because you know, she thought that Trey secretly liked Erin Henebry, but he doesn’t like Erin Henebry, it was all a bunch of bull.
It’s the “classic Tammy” part–which he repeats several times–that kills me.
Dennis: Spin class. Come on, a bunch of hamsters on a wheel. Dee: Yeah, I’m gonna ride a bike hard, I’m gonna ride a bike fast, and oh, yeah, I’m not gonna go anywhere. Dennis: Yeah, and then when I walk out, I’m gonna put a bunch of metal onto a metal bar and lift that metal over and over like a metal jerk.
Frank is elated by the concept of pretending a woman is on the other side of the glory hole and is undeterred by Dennis’ insistence that it’s likely a dude on the other side.
Frank: But you can’t see through the wall. So how do you know it’s not a girl? I mean, I could just picture a girl. And then…it’s good.
Every night you come into my room and pin me down with your strong arms you pin me down and I try to fight you you come inside me you fill me up and I become the night man.
Dennis: I don’t get it Dee, there are tons of women in this city, where do they go?
Sweet Dee: They’re at velvet rope clubs on Delaware Avenue.
Dennis: Why?
Sweet Dee: Dennis, our bar is south Philly in a scary alley… might as well call it “Rape Bar.”
Charlie’s mail room diatribe fucking kills me every time:
Can we talk about the mail, please Mac? I’ve been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, okay? “Pepe Silvia,” this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Pepe’s mail is getting sent back to me. Pepe Silvia, Pepe Silvia. I look in the mail, and this whole box is Pepe Silvia! So I say to myself, “I gotta find this guy!” I gotta go up to his office and put his mail in the guy’s goddamn hands! Otherwise, he’s never going to get it and he’s going to keep coming back down here. So I go up to Pepe’s office and what do I find out, Mac? What do I find out?! There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, “Oh shit buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper.” There’s no Pepe Silvia? You gotta be kidding me! I got boxes full of Pepe! Alright. So I start marchin’ my way down to Carol in HR and I knock on her door and I say, “Carol! Carol! I gotta talk to you about Pepe.” And when I open the door what do I find? There’s not a single goddamn desk in that office! There…is…no…Carol in HR. Mac, half the employees in this building have been made up. This office is a goddamn Ghost Town!