Please let me clear this up: I can’t stand Lamas, I only own five, maybe ten of his movies, but still, I can’t stand him. Maybe it’s fifteen. I’ll get back to you on that. He has to be mentioned, though.
Don Wilson is a guy I like who made movies that I never finished. Maybe one with Matthias Hues where Hues is a serial killer with a Mommy thing.
Stay away from any movie with Cyber in the title. Trust me. I learned the hard way.
There is a movie I want to start a thread on, if I haven’t already, called Fist Fighter, with some guy named Jorge Rivera, who looks like a buff John Kerry, the aforementioned Matthias Hues, Edward Albert, not the Green Acres guy, but the other one, who plays a Mexican, I think, his accent comes and goes, named Punchy, and Mannix himself, Mike Connors, playing the heavy. Mannix uses the term “my friend” a lot, which shows you the high quality of the screenplay.
Biting of a good portion of that snake is what impressed me, that was more god-like than ghost-like.
Yeah, Matthias Hues is an epic talent. I was sad to see him wasted in the recent William Forsythe/Erika Eleniak letdown STRIKE FORCE. If only someone could provide him with the proper cinematic outlet for his artistic gifts.
I was trying to convince this virgin chick recently to lose it with me, and she was getting all righteous and saying that she had experienced lots of sexual things (being bisexual) without actual intercourse. Not wanting to offend her, I merely told her that she had seen SUDDEN DEATH, and I was simply recommending that she might also enjoy BLOODSPORT, and perhaps, under certain circumstances, would like WAKE OF DEATH. She read me beautifully. Thanks, Jean Claude.
I don’t watch many DTV films since time becomes more precious when you get married and get a full time job, but I am happy to see that the DTV industry is keeping alive the great American tradition of the grade B or lower film.
I wonder when somebody is going to reverse the trend and an actor who made a mark in DTV films becomes a major mainstream box office star, a la John Wayne in the 1930’s.
Originally Posted by fabfunk I was trying to convince this virgin chick recently to lose it with me, and she was getting all righteous and saying that she had experienced lots of sexual things (being bisexual) without actual intercourse. Not wanting to offend her, I merely told her that she had seen SUDDEN DEATH, and I was simply recommending that she might also enjoy BLOODSPORT, and perhaps, under certain circumstances, would like WAKE OF DEATH. She read me beautifully. Thanks, Jean Claude.
Originally Posted by dudalb I wonder when somebody is going to reverse the trend and an actor who made a mark in DTV films becomes a major mainstream box office star, a la John Wayne in the 1930’s.
Though certainly not as big as Wayne, Viggo Mortensen is a guy who did some DTV stuff like AMERICAN YAKUZA and TRIPWIRE (which I still have never been able to track down) as he was becoming a supporting actor in mainstream films, to the headliner that he is today. Probably not exactly what you mean but it does set a precedent of sorts.
Seeing as someone beat me to Hard Target, and Moltisanti hasn’t mentioned this gem yet, I have to throw Showdown in Little Tokyo into the mix.
I thought this was the greatest film ever made when I was 11 and I bought the DVD for about five quid 3 years ago. Thank Jebus they put the trailer on that sucker, cos it’s one of the best trailers ever made.
Dolph. Brandon Lee. Tia Carrere. That evil, snake-like Japanese guy from Rising Sun (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa? Hope that’s right, can’t be arsed IMDB’ing it). 76 minutes. A shitload of squibs. And the line, “You have the biggest dick I have ever seen on a man.” Lord knows what sort of dicks he’s seen on chicks, cos he’s talking to Lundgren, man!
It’s still ludicrous fun, and Lee has an uncanny Jim Carrey-ness about him in some scenes. Sure, some of the action is a bit shoddy, but it ripsnorts its way along and crams in as many cheesy lines, gory deaths and naked tits as it can in its slender running time. I know i’m not the only one holding a candle for this one.
Originally Posted by sackley Thank Jebus they put the trailer on that sucker, cos it’s one of the best trailers ever made.
Damn straight! You’re lucky you got a trailer. Region 1 doesn’t have jack! Thank God for this site. It may not be the same trailer they showed overseas but it sure does sum up all the film has to offer, minus the sushi served on naked broads.
Originally Posted by Nigel St. Buggering [B] I was so disillusioned by Transporter 2 that I had to rewatch the first one to make sure I hadn’t been on LSD when I’d seen it. Nope, I still like that film. It had real driving stunts and everything. That bit with the bomb on the bottom of the car is one of the biggest What The Fuck moments I’ve seen in years. I mean, really. What The Fuck? At least the hose fight tried to be worth the ticket price.
Tell me about it. What was up with all the cheap CGI this time around? That car bomb “stunt” was ludicrous. The plane scene is full of astoundingly awful CGI. Not to mention that the combatants are completely uninjured after the plave smacks into the ocean at high speed (and doesn’t break up??).
There was still some decent hand-to-hand, especially the hose fight. But also silly stuff like the fat black guy getting crushed by the boat as he screams like a little girl.
And how about the thrilling “save the antidote” scene where Statham plays in traffic? It was slapstick worthy of Buster Keaton.
I liked how the somewhat interesting French inspector from the first film turned into some kind of wacky sitcom loud shirt wearing guy this time around.
One of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a long time must be Ticker starring Steven Seagal, Tom Sizemore and Dennis Hopper, directed by Albert Puyn. It contains a truly awful performance by Hopper. He’s supposed to be an Irish terrorist, but his accent just comes and goes all the time. Sometimes during one sentence. Ticker also has the worst blue screen driving scene ever put on film. It looks awful and when the car stops, the background stops abruptly, like the car just hit a wall or something. Unfortunately Seagal doesn’t get to do much in this film, except deliver zen wisdom to Sizemore.
Oh, and now that we’re at it -and since I’m too lazy/ashamed to open a new thread for it- anyone knows what’s the name of that B-movie that RIPPED COMPLETELY OFF the car chase scene from Bruno’s Striking Distance (some footage included, I swear to god)?
I once caught it on TV some day halfway through, recognized some shot, and then -bang!- some other guy was at the wheel. In Bruce Willis’ car. What the fuck–?
I mean, really, it was like in Christmas at a mall, when you were a happy kid sitting on Santa’s knees until you pulled his beard down and discovered it was actually Al Leong under the disguise SMILING AT YOU.
Damn, that magic is long gone.
Okay, back on general topic, for me the Rites to Manhood started with American Ninja and Bloodsport and ended tragically with Fire Down Below (DTV here in Spain retitled On Deadly Ground 2 -WTF!?-). After that the absolute nada, but in-between a young boy cinematically growing, full of hopes and dreams… and a ponytail.
Originally Posted by Moltisanti Damn straight! You’re lucky you got a trailer. Region 1 doesn’t have jack! Thank God for this site. It may not be the same trailer they showed overseas but it sure does sum up all the film has to offer, minus the sushi served on naked broads.
That’s the one! It would be just okay, but that High Five at the end seals its greatness.
Someone was talking about terrible blue-screen?! You cannot talk about terrible blue-screen until you have seen Derailed with JCVD (not the recent Clive Owen-Jennifer Aniston remake). The whole film is remarkably sloppy - there are pointless jump-cuts which seem to suggest that either the editor is using the film as a CV-boosting work experience job or that they just didn’t get enough coverage - but there is a genuinely hilarious and mystifying shootout involving a motorbike, two trains, the Muscles and a couple of goons. I have no idea what happened in that sequence, but there was something strangely beautiful about it.